Learning to Invest in Yourself

Sometimes It's the Little Things

I've been thinking a lot lately about confidence.

Not necessarily the kind of confidence that comes from accomplishing something extraordinary.

Not the confidence you develop after years of mastering a particular skill.

Or the confidence that emerges when you realize you're capable of something you once believed was impossible.

I'm talking about something much simpler.

The way you feel when you look in the mirror.

When you walk into a room.

When you smile in a picture.

When you put on an outfit that just makes you feel good.

Those seemingly insignificant moments that can influence how we carry ourselves throughout the day.

I've spent an enormous amount of time throughout my career helping other people recognize their strengths, overcome insecurities, and develop confidence in their abilities.

But I've come to appreciate that sometimes building confidence isn't about changing how we think.

Sometimes it's about finally doing something we've been thinking about for years.

And perhaps, more importantly, giving ourselves permission to do it.

For Me, It Started With My Smile

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted straighter teeth.

Nothing particularly dramatic.

I just wanted to feel a little more confident about my smile.

So, eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I got Invisalign.

Now, I recognize that straightening your teeth isn't exactly some extraordinary act of personal transformation.

Millions of people have done it.

But for me, it represented something meaningful.

I'd identified something about myself that I wanted to change, something within my control, and I finally decided to take action.

Not because someone else told me I needed to.

Not because I was trying to meet some imaginary standard of perfection.

But because it was something I wanted.

And I think that distinction is important.

There's a difference between changing something about yourself because you believe you're somehow inadequate and making a change because you believe it will help you feel more comfortable and confident.

I wasn't trying to become someone different.

I was doing something for the person I already was.

And while I was at it, I figured I might as well address something else.

The color of my teeth.

Because, let's face it, after years of indulging in multiple cups of coffee a day, my teeth weren't exactly as white as they once were.

And I'm certainly not giving up coffee.

Let's not get carried away.

So I started exploring teeth-whitening solutions.

Again, nothing particularly revolutionary.

Just another small thing I wanted to do for myself.

And it got me thinking.

How many things do we spend years wishing we could change, even when the opportunity to make that change is sitting directly in front of us?

Why Do We Feel Guilty About Doing Things for Ourselves?

There's something interesting about how we approach spending money on ourselves.

We can justify all sorts of expenses.

Things we need for our homes.

Things that make our work easier.

Experiences for our families.

Gifts for people we care about.

And I think there's something wonderful about prioritizing those things.

But sometimes, when it comes to spending money on something that exists primarily because it would make us happy, we hesitate.

We question whether it's necessary.

Whether we deserve it.

Whether the money could be better spent somewhere else.

And sometimes those are perfectly reasonable questions.

We all have responsibilities.

Bills don't magically disappear because we've decided a new pair of shoes would improve our mood.

Trust me, I've checked.

But I think there's a point where financial responsibility can become something else entirely.

An unwillingness to invest in ourselves.

And I wonder how often that happens without us even realizing it.

Consider something as simple as a haircut.

Maybe you've been wanting to try a different style for months.

You have a picture saved on your phone.

You've imagined how it might look.

You've even considered making the appointment.

But you keep putting it off.

Why?

Maybe it's money.

Maybe you're worried you won't like it.

Maybe you're concerned about what other people might think.

Or maybe you've simply convinced yourself that it isn't important enough to prioritize.

But what if it makes you feel great?

What if you walk out of the barber shop or salon feeling a little more confident than you did when you walked in?

Is there really something wrong with that?

Not everything we do for ourselves needs to have some grand purpose beyond making us feel good.

Sometimes that's reason enough.

Confidence Doesn't Always Require a Major Transformation

I think we've developed an interesting relationship with the idea of self-improvement.

We tend to associate it with significant commitments.

Losing weight.

Changing careers.

Going back to school.

Learning a new skill.

Developing better habits.

Accomplishing something difficult.

And those things can absolutely be meaningful.

But I don't believe every improvement has to require months or years of effort.

Sometimes confidence comes from something small.

A new haircut.

A pair of shoes you've wanted.

Clothes that fit the way you like.

Taking better care of your skin.

Finally replacing something you've been putting up with for years.

Or making an appointment to address something that's been bothering you.

These things might seem superficial.

And perhaps, in some ways, they are.

But I've never understood why superficial automatically has to mean unimportant.

We are human beings.

We have preferences.

We have insecurities.

We have things about ourselves that make us feel good and things we'd prefer to change.

And while I wholeheartedly believe that our value as human beings has absolutely nothing to do with our physical appearance, I also recognize that how we perceive ourselves can influence how we experience the world.

Those two beliefs aren't contradictory.

You can believe you're worthy exactly as you are while still wanting to make changes that help you feel better about yourself.

I think that's an important distinction.

Because self-acceptance shouldn't require us to abandon the things we'd like to improve.

And self-improvement shouldn't require us to believe there's something inherently wrong with who we are.

The two can coexist.

But Where Do We Draw the Line?

Now, before this begins sounding like an elaborate justification for going on a shopping spree, I want to make something clear.

I'm not advocating for reckless spending.

I'm not suggesting that every insecurity should be addressed by purchasing a product or paying for a service.

And I certainly don't believe confidence can be bought.

If it could, I imagine the world would look quite different.

There's always going to be another pair of shoes.

Another product promising better results.

Another trend.

Another thing we're told we need in order to look or feel our best.

And if we're constantly chasing the next purchase because we believe it will finally make us happy, we may be addressing the wrong problem.

I think the difference comes down to intentionality.

Are we making a decision because it genuinely aligns with something we value, or are we trying to fill a void that another purchase probably won't resolve?

Those are two very different motivations.

Getting Invisalign was a deliberate choice for me.

It was something I'd wanted for a long time.

Something I believed would improve how I felt about my smile.

And something I was willing to invest in.

That's different from impulsively buying something simply because I had a difficult day and wanted a temporary distraction.

Although I'll admit, a new pair of shoes can be a pretty convincing distraction.

But seriously, I think balance matters.

We should be thoughtful about our finances.

We should understand our priorities.

We should recognize the difference between wants and needs.

But I also think we should leave room in our lives for things that don't necessarily qualify as necessities.

Because if our only acceptable expenses are the things required to survive, we're leaving very little room for the things that make life enjoyable.

And I don't believe that's what financial responsibility should mean.

What If Money Isn't the Problem?

Here's where I think the conversation becomes particularly interesting.

Because I recognize that, for many people, money is the primary obstacle.

Dental treatments can be expensive.

Clothing can be expensive.

Even something as simple as maintaining a particular hairstyle can become a recurring financial commitment.

And I would never suggest that someone should jeopardize their financial stability to pursue something that's largely optional.

That's not the point.

But what happens when money isn't the issue?

What happens when you've saved enough, accounted for your responsibilities, and can reasonably afford the thing you've been wanting?

What's stopping you then?

I think that's a question worth exploring.

Because sometimes the obstacle has very little to do with our bank account.

Sometimes it's guilt.

Sometimes it's fear.

Sometimes it's the belief that spending money on ourselves is somehow selfish.

And sometimes we've become so accustomed to prioritizing everything and everyone else that we've forgotten how to make ourselves part of the equation.

I've thought about this quite a bit.

As a husband, father, and someone who genuinely enjoys helping other people, I naturally find fulfillment in doing things for those around me.

I want to provide for my family.

I want them to have opportunities.

I want to create experiences and memories that matter.

Those priorities aren't going anywhere.

But I've also come to realize that caring for other people and caring for myself don't have to be competing objectives.

I can invest in my family.

Plan responsibly for the future.

And still occasionally do something simply because it makes me happy.

Those things can coexist.

And perhaps the most important realization is that taking care of yourself doesn't necessarily mean taking something away from someone else.

Sometimes it's simply recognizing that you deserve consideration too.

We Give Ourselves Permission to Grow Professionally. Why Not Personally?

There's another connection I've been thinking about.

Throughout my career, I've spent countless hours encouraging people to invest in their development.

Take the course.

Pursue the certification.

Apply for the opportunity.

Learn the skill.

Challenge yourself.

Stop allowing uncertainty to convince you that you aren't capable of more.

And I believe in every bit of that advice.

But why do we sometimes treat personal development differently?

We recognize the value of investing in our professional confidence.

We understand that developing new capabilities can change how we approach opportunities.

We acknowledge that feeling prepared and capable can influence how we carry ourselves.

Yet when it comes to investing in the way we feel about our appearance or personal well-being, we sometimes dismiss those things as unnecessary.

Why?

I'm not saying a new haircut is equivalent to earning a degree.

Obviously, they're very different investments.

But I do think they can share something important.

Agency.

The ability to recognize something within our control and make an intentional decision to change it.

And I think agency plays a meaningful role in confidence.

There's something empowering about realizing that you don't have to remain dissatisfied with something simply because that's how it's always been.

You can make a choice.

You can take action.

You can change your mind.

And you can decide that something matters to you even if someone else wouldn't place the same value on it.

Sometimes the most important part of making a change isn't the change itself. It's the reminder that you have a say in how you experience your own life.

That matters to me.

Probably more than the teeth, the haircut, or the shoes themselves.

You Don't Need to Earn the Right to Feel Good About Yourself

I wonder how many of us have developed an unspoken list of conditions we believe must be satisfied before we allow ourselves to do something enjoyable.

Once I get the promotion.

Once I reach my financial goal.

Once the kids are older.

Once things slow down at work.

Once I finish the next project.

Once everything else is taken care of.

Then I'll do something for myself.

The problem is that life rarely reaches some magical point where every responsibility has been completed.

There's always something else.

Another expense.

Another obligation.

Another reason to wait.

And while patience and delayed gratification are incredibly valuable, I think there's a difference between making an intentional sacrifice and indefinitely postponing something because we've convinced ourselves we don't deserve it yet.

Not every personal investment requires reaching some extraordinary milestone first.

Sometimes we're allowed to do something simply because we've decided it matters.

Within reason, of course.

We still have to make responsible choices.

But I don't think we should confuse responsibility with perpetual self-denial.

And I certainly don't believe we should feel guilty for wanting to feel good about ourselves.

That doesn't make us vain.

It makes us human.

Maybe It's Not Really About the Teeth

The more I've thought about my decision to straighten and whiten my teeth, the more I've realized that the underlying idea extends well beyond my smile.

It's about being intentional.

Recognizing the things that influence how we feel.

Being honest about what we'd like to change.

And deciding whether those changes are worth pursuing.

Sometimes they will be.

Sometimes they won't.

And sometimes we'll discover that the thing we thought needed changing wasn't actually the source of our discomfort in the first place.

That's worth understanding too.

Because confidence doesn't come exclusively from appearance, purchases, or external improvements.

Some of the most meaningful confidence we develop comes from experience.

From overcoming challenges.

From learning to accept ourselves.

From building relationships.

From discovering what we're capable of.

And from realizing that our worth isn't something we have to continually prove.

But I don't think acknowledging those deeper sources of confidence means we should dismiss the smaller things.

If straightening my teeth helps me feel better about my smile, wonderful.

If a haircut helps someone walk into a room feeling a little more like themselves, I'm happy for them.

If a new pair of shoes makes someone excited to get dressed in the morning, what's wrong with that?

We don't need to turn every personal preference into some complicated philosophical debate.

Although, apparently, that's exactly what I've done here.

Occupational hazard, I suppose.

So, What's Holding You Back?

I think that's ultimately the question I want to leave you with.

Is there something relatively simple you've been wanting to do for yourself?

Something you've been thinking about for months, maybe even years?

A change you've wanted to make.

Something you've wanted to try.

Something that would make you feel a little more comfortable, confident, or happy?

If so, what's stopping you?

If it's money, I understand.

Financial stability and the people who depend on you should absolutely factor into your decisions.

Maybe the responsible choice is to wait, save, or find a more affordable alternative.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But if money isn't the obstacle, what is?

Are you worried about what other people will think?

Do you feel guilty spending time or money on yourself?

Have you convinced yourself that it's not important enough?

Or have you simply been putting it off because there's always something else demanding your attention?

I don't think every desire needs to become an action.

And I don't believe we should pursue every change simply because it's possible.

But I do believe we're allowed to invest in ourselves.

We're allowed to want things.

We're allowed to make choices that improve how we feel.

And we're allowed to do something for ourselves without needing to justify it through some larger accomplishment.

Because at the end of the day, confidence isn't necessarily about becoming someone new. Sometimes it's about doing something that helps you feel a little more comfortable being who you already are.

For me, that meant Invisalign and teeth whitening.

For you, maybe it's the haircut.

The shoes.

The outfit.

Or something entirely different.

Whatever it is, I hope you'll at least give yourself permission to consider it.

Not because you need fixing.

Not because someone else expects it.

But because you've decided it would make a positive difference in how you feel.

And if you've thought it through, can comfortably afford it, and genuinely believe it'll make you happier?

Maybe it's time to stop finding reasons not to.

You spend your entire life living with yourself. There's nothing wrong with investing a little in making that experience more enjoyable.

And as for me?

I'm going to keep enjoying my coffee.

Apparently, I just need to spend a little more time maintaining the smile that goes along with it.